F―――, I really want to see you, to talk to you.
Are you happier without me?
It's 5 in the morning. If you want to talk why don't you acknowledge my existence and just speak to me when you see me?
Fuck You.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU
Cmoooooooooooooooooooooon. You want to tell me something? COWARD. LIAR. ASSHOLE. I say hello. When you come up to me I say hello. You fucking twat. I'm more angry about you wasting my fucking time. "I have something I need to talk to you about ehhnnnn" why don't you just fucking shout it out loud?
Saying something wasn't really my goal. It was more about wanting to have a conversation. I don't want to just say something and run.
You haven't really acknowledged my existence either. And the whole "fuck you" thing is exactly why I haven't talked to you. Especially because I don't really understand why you're so angry with me.
A CONVERSATION HUH? Okay what do you want to talk about?
Okay. Tell me. TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT.
I wanted to talk about this. I didn't want to put you on the streets. that's why I ever asked you to live with me in the first place. I tried. I asked you if you wanted to stay at that apartment. If I'd asked you to move with me to my new place, would you have accepted?
Ah bullshit. You don't exist for me. You're just a shadow I pass right through. What you're living on Wertland now? How you like the fucking noise at 2AM. Your daddy pays for your fucking condo you stuck up, self involved, idiotic girl. I'm happier when I don't fucking have to think about you. Yeah I'm happier without you, you fucking blight, you fucking walking depressive. Man even thinking about how empty your fucking soul makes me happy I don't have to come home to you anymore. Still at your job? Huh? Still with the same people? Got any friends yet?
I'm glad you sent this now especially. WHAT DO YOU FUCKING CARE YOU FUCKING CUNT. YOU PUT ME OUT ON THE STREET LIKE I WAS SOME PIECE OF TRASH YOU COULD THROW AWAY. I SHOULD POUR SUGAR IN YOUR FUCKING GAS TANK FOR EVEN SPEAKING TO ME.
COWARD. You couldn't even address something properly to where I live you...fucking asshole. COWARD.
SEND ME SOMETHING AT 5 IN THE MORNING
PIECE OF SHIT
DID YOU EVER EVEN ASK WHERE I LIVED NOW YOU CUNT? Not once, you don't have a fucking shred of humanity in that heart of yours.
PEZZO DI MERDA. I hope you're looking at this on your fucking phone you were so happy to get you materialistic whore for a fucking dollar.
Leave me alone.
Go back to your house, with your like-minded people, who care about NOTHING. NOTHING IS ALL YOU ARE. You are a walking hole in the ground. Something to fill in with concrete. A pus filled sac ready to explode.
IF YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO FUCKING SAY YOU BETTER GET SOME COURAGE AND TELL ME TO MY FACE.
No matter what I say, you'll still try to use it to justify your hatred of me.
Why do you care if I'm happy? Does it make you feel better?
Is the guilt getting to you? Do you look back and see all the shit that piled up? How's your mother doing? Good? Your sister? She doing fine in her prison of hers?
I don't get why you think I just tried to make your life miserable and ruin you. I really don't.
Of course you don't.
How could you.
I don't go around blaming all my problems on you, don't flatter yourself.
You sure are acting like it.
I WANT TO TALK ABOUT WHY YOU TREATED ME LIKE SUCH SHIT AND THEN GOT MAD AT ME FOR DOING EVEN THE REMOTELY SAME THING TO YOU
HEY ASSHOLE, I'M JUST GIVING BACK THE SHIT YOU PUT ON ME SENDING ME SHIT ALL THE TIME.
MMMMMMM okay. Tell me. When did I treat you like shit. Tell me then. Tell me are you happier now? Huh? Is that why you send this?
You don't respect me at all yet you expect me to respect you. You call me a coward but you can't even talk about anything. All you can do is lash out.
Okay. Talk to me. Lash out? Am I a mad dog to you? Is that what you fucking think? I always treated you with respect when you talked to me after you moved out.
I think you're lashing out right now, not other times. You call me materialistic but I wasn't the one who threw stuff at you when you denied me something.
Yeah uh huh. I threw it because I'm a petulant child. I threw it because I WAS SO FUCKING MAD SOMEONE COULD BE SO HEARTLESS.
I even tried to fathom what could be going through that colossally deluded brain of yours. I asked you a bunch, about if you ever did things for me that you didn't care for. You couldn't even answer.
Yes I did! I explicitly answered that I did do things I didn't care for. Despite you being an ass.
You've insulted me so much, cursed at me so many times. I never did that to you. Ever.
My self esteem was shit because of the cruel things you said. I took it all to heart because I cared about what you thought of me. All I ever wanted from you was your trust and your approval
"I'm sure I did" is a definitive answer. Okay. Tell me why then if you want to talk you don't just TALK when you see me.
I knew I would fucking cry if I talked to you about this and there's no way I'd want to do this in public so there you go that's fucking why I never talked to you
So what if you cry? Are you ashamed to do that in public? Does it even matter?
Yes I'm ashamed. It matters to me because I don't want to unload all my private shit in front of the world. I couldn't tell you because I thought you'd do what you just did, just unload a whole lot of cursing and spite on me. When I'd tried to talk to you before about things you'd just get defensive. It seemed pointless. I just gave up. Don't you see that? Don't you see how I progressively gave up? I felt like if you couldn't be honest with me, what was the point in being honest with you?
I lied to you is that what you're saying. I wasn't honest with you? I was so honest with you...always as much as I could express.
You're punishing me.
Remember my birthday? The day you made me drive you to work and then made me pick you up (I waited more than an hour) and then called and said oh you'd gotten a ride home and showed no interest in wasting MY time AND not giving a shit about my birthday even though we lived together and ostensibly were still together AND THEN you got furiously angry with me the next day for not sharing the small portion of food from MY birthday dinner which you so courteously hadn't given a shit about until it affected your wants?
Yeah I remember your birthday. How fucking shit it was. Hope you had a good Christmas you hypocrite. I tried to make you happy. Cook for you, whatever. You wanted to watch television. Play with pets. Mmm I remember that day well. I had a fuckup day at work and I got a ride from someone I worked with. Yeah, I didn't have a phone and you were so mad.
I was mad because you never talked to me. We'd been together all that time and you couldn't even talk to me about tiny little things. I don't know why you were so disgusted with me. I gave you everything I had! I tried I fucking tried to make you happy because I cared and then you have the gall to throw it in my face and say that I'm materialistic and spineless and it's just not fucking true
You're heartless for treating me like your fucking mother. Like some vending machine designed to just spew out good stuff for you with nothing in return
What the fuck did you ever do for me? What big sacrifices did you make? What did you give up? When did you ever do things just for my benefit?
Are you delusional? I lived my life to be with you, you were everything. I poured all of myself into you. Ungrateful person. Big sacrifices? I did the same for you, drove, cooked, worked, listened. What did I give up? Well money which you cared more for than anything else. Hmmmm I would have done anything for you, drove you to Manassas. Gone with you anywhere. I did go places with you. That's why I asked if you did things you didn't want to. I always wanted to do things for you, get food for you, wait for you, see you, spend time with you.
You're right, you did do stuff for me. I was wrong to say that
Okay tell me how you're not materialistic. Or how you didn't hide things. You couldn't even tell me you were jealous of Vickys relationship.
I'm not materialistic because I let you have free access to everything I owned and made. The only reason why I wouldn't let you use my laptop/phone at the end was because you disrespected my request to not look through my stuff.
MMmm right. Even though at the beginning you were as free as a bird when it came to those things. And whenever you wanted something from me it was "here you go". I didn't mind if you looked through my stuff. I had nothing to hide. I wanted you to look through them so you would know what it was like. But you....well you are so afraid to do anything.
You were MY everything. My best friend, my confidante. Still probably the most attractive guy I knew. I was really happy with you. But you kept lashing out at me and it got me down. You'd rather scream fuck you at me in public and abandon me than tell me you'd like to keep seeing me on Fridays because it was important to you
Oh yeah. I remember that. Sure hurt didn't it? Well it hurt being fucked around being told I couldn't see you because of work was it? And then you went and saw other people. That was the fucked up part of it. I walked miles and miles to see you, to be with you.
I saw one friend once for lunch. I didn't get a new best friend or anything. Not even two weeks had passed. Your response was overblown. I don't doubt you were honest. You just didn't TALK to me. You seemed to prefer throwing me out for a perceived slight rather than sitting down and hashing the problem out like you CARED about having me in your life
Things were really really hard for me F―――. I have no friends. I just started the busiest semester of my life and moved out on my own out of a shitty living situation. You have no idea how much I hated livcing with nick and rhea. That was honestly the main motivating factor in my moving out. I couldn't fucking stand to be in the same place as them any longer
I was trying to be an adult for the first time and suddenly it was like I was a parent! Cook clean shop blah blah blah that's all I ever did and they never thanked me for it
J―― told me that you said he should ask me out. He already had and I declined because I was too hung up on you. I don't know what I expected--that I'd hunt you down and try to make amends like I'd done before? I was just so scared. I was a coward. I didn't think I could handle that at that time/
J――― isn't even really my friend anymore because I turned him down
No. I told J―― that because you fit well together. We do not. No longer anyways. By the time it was November just the thought of touching you repulsed me. I liked the way he treated you and was able to give you things that I just couldn't. Okay so you hated it. I know that. But you withdrew, became a shell. Overblown? Two weeks? I breathed you everyday, it was like being told to just get over it. No, you fail to understand. I did fucking HASH it out with you when I felt I could reach something that cared.
I feel really lonely all the time so fucking sue me for wanting to talk to you, the biggest person in my life for years
Listening to: A Moon Shaped Pool-Radiohead
Reading: A Dame To Kill For-Frank Miller
Are you happier without me?
It's 5 in the morning. If you want to talk why don't you acknowledge my existence and just speak to me when you see me?
Fuck You.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU
Cmoooooooooooooooooooooon. You want to tell me something? COWARD. LIAR. ASSHOLE. I say hello. When you come up to me I say hello. You fucking twat. I'm more angry about you wasting my fucking time. "I have something I need to talk to you about ehhnnnn" why don't you just fucking shout it out loud?
Saying something wasn't really my goal. It was more about wanting to have a conversation. I don't want to just say something and run.
You haven't really acknowledged my existence either. And the whole "fuck you" thing is exactly why I haven't talked to you. Especially because I don't really understand why you're so angry with me.
A CONVERSATION HUH? Okay what do you want to talk about?
Okay. Tell me. TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT.
I wanted to talk about this. I didn't want to put you on the streets. that's why I ever asked you to live with me in the first place. I tried. I asked you if you wanted to stay at that apartment. If I'd asked you to move with me to my new place, would you have accepted?
Ah bullshit. You don't exist for me. You're just a shadow I pass right through. What you're living on Wertland now? How you like the fucking noise at 2AM. Your daddy pays for your fucking condo you stuck up, self involved, idiotic girl. I'm happier when I don't fucking have to think about you. Yeah I'm happier without you, you fucking blight, you fucking walking depressive. Man even thinking about how empty your fucking soul makes me happy I don't have to come home to you anymore. Still at your job? Huh? Still with the same people? Got any friends yet?
I'm glad you sent this now especially. WHAT DO YOU FUCKING CARE YOU FUCKING CUNT. YOU PUT ME OUT ON THE STREET LIKE I WAS SOME PIECE OF TRASH YOU COULD THROW AWAY. I SHOULD POUR SUGAR IN YOUR FUCKING GAS TANK FOR EVEN SPEAKING TO ME.
COWARD. You couldn't even address something properly to where I live you...fucking asshole. COWARD.
SEND ME SOMETHING AT 5 IN THE MORNING
PIECE OF SHIT
DID YOU EVER EVEN ASK WHERE I LIVED NOW YOU CUNT? Not once, you don't have a fucking shred of humanity in that heart of yours.
PEZZO DI MERDA. I hope you're looking at this on your fucking phone you were so happy to get you materialistic whore for a fucking dollar.
Leave me alone.
Go back to your house, with your like-minded people, who care about NOTHING. NOTHING IS ALL YOU ARE. You are a walking hole in the ground. Something to fill in with concrete. A pus filled sac ready to explode.
IF YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO FUCKING SAY YOU BETTER GET SOME COURAGE AND TELL ME TO MY FACE.
No matter what I say, you'll still try to use it to justify your hatred of me.
Why do you care if I'm happy? Does it make you feel better?
Is the guilt getting to you? Do you look back and see all the shit that piled up? How's your mother doing? Good? Your sister? She doing fine in her prison of hers?
I don't get why you think I just tried to make your life miserable and ruin you. I really don't.
Of course you don't.
How could you.
I don't go around blaming all my problems on you, don't flatter yourself.
You sure are acting like it.
I WANT TO TALK ABOUT WHY YOU TREATED ME LIKE SUCH SHIT AND THEN GOT MAD AT ME FOR DOING EVEN THE REMOTELY SAME THING TO YOU
HEY ASSHOLE, I'M JUST GIVING BACK THE SHIT YOU PUT ON ME SENDING ME SHIT ALL THE TIME.
MMMMMMM okay. Tell me. When did I treat you like shit. Tell me then. Tell me are you happier now? Huh? Is that why you send this?
You don't respect me at all yet you expect me to respect you. You call me a coward but you can't even talk about anything. All you can do is lash out.
Okay. Talk to me. Lash out? Am I a mad dog to you? Is that what you fucking think? I always treated you with respect when you talked to me after you moved out.
I think you're lashing out right now, not other times. You call me materialistic but I wasn't the one who threw stuff at you when you denied me something.
Yeah uh huh. I threw it because I'm a petulant child. I threw it because I WAS SO FUCKING MAD SOMEONE COULD BE SO HEARTLESS.
I even tried to fathom what could be going through that colossally deluded brain of yours. I asked you a bunch, about if you ever did things for me that you didn't care for. You couldn't even answer.
Yes I did! I explicitly answered that I did do things I didn't care for. Despite you being an ass.
You've insulted me so much, cursed at me so many times. I never did that to you. Ever.
My self esteem was shit because of the cruel things you said. I took it all to heart because I cared about what you thought of me. All I ever wanted from you was your trust and your approval
"I'm sure I did" is a definitive answer. Okay. Tell me why then if you want to talk you don't just TALK when you see me.
I knew I would fucking cry if I talked to you about this and there's no way I'd want to do this in public so there you go that's fucking why I never talked to you
So what if you cry? Are you ashamed to do that in public? Does it even matter?
Yes I'm ashamed. It matters to me because I don't want to unload all my private shit in front of the world. I couldn't tell you because I thought you'd do what you just did, just unload a whole lot of cursing and spite on me. When I'd tried to talk to you before about things you'd just get defensive. It seemed pointless. I just gave up. Don't you see that? Don't you see how I progressively gave up? I felt like if you couldn't be honest with me, what was the point in being honest with you?
I lied to you is that what you're saying. I wasn't honest with you? I was so honest with you...always as much as I could express.
You're punishing me.
Remember my birthday? The day you made me drive you to work and then made me pick you up (I waited more than an hour) and then called and said oh you'd gotten a ride home and showed no interest in wasting MY time AND not giving a shit about my birthday even though we lived together and ostensibly were still together AND THEN you got furiously angry with me the next day for not sharing the small portion of food from MY birthday dinner which you so courteously hadn't given a shit about until it affected your wants?
Yeah I remember your birthday. How fucking shit it was. Hope you had a good Christmas you hypocrite. I tried to make you happy. Cook for you, whatever. You wanted to watch television. Play with pets. Mmm I remember that day well. I had a fuckup day at work and I got a ride from someone I worked with. Yeah, I didn't have a phone and you were so mad.
I was mad because you never talked to me. We'd been together all that time and you couldn't even talk to me about tiny little things. I don't know why you were so disgusted with me. I gave you everything I had! I tried I fucking tried to make you happy because I cared and then you have the gall to throw it in my face and say that I'm materialistic and spineless and it's just not fucking true
You're heartless for treating me like your fucking mother. Like some vending machine designed to just spew out good stuff for you with nothing in return
What the fuck did you ever do for me? What big sacrifices did you make? What did you give up? When did you ever do things just for my benefit?
Are you delusional? I lived my life to be with you, you were everything. I poured all of myself into you. Ungrateful person. Big sacrifices? I did the same for you, drove, cooked, worked, listened. What did I give up? Well money which you cared more for than anything else. Hmmmm I would have done anything for you, drove you to Manassas. Gone with you anywhere. I did go places with you. That's why I asked if you did things you didn't want to. I always wanted to do things for you, get food for you, wait for you, see you, spend time with you.
You're right, you did do stuff for me. I was wrong to say that
Okay tell me how you're not materialistic. Or how you didn't hide things. You couldn't even tell me you were jealous of Vickys relationship.
I'm not materialistic because I let you have free access to everything I owned and made. The only reason why I wouldn't let you use my laptop/phone at the end was because you disrespected my request to not look through my stuff.
MMmm right. Even though at the beginning you were as free as a bird when it came to those things. And whenever you wanted something from me it was "here you go". I didn't mind if you looked through my stuff. I had nothing to hide. I wanted you to look through them so you would know what it was like. But you....well you are so afraid to do anything.
You were MY everything. My best friend, my confidante. Still probably the most attractive guy I knew. I was really happy with you. But you kept lashing out at me and it got me down. You'd rather scream fuck you at me in public and abandon me than tell me you'd like to keep seeing me on Fridays because it was important to you
Oh yeah. I remember that. Sure hurt didn't it? Well it hurt being fucked around being told I couldn't see you because of work was it? And then you went and saw other people. That was the fucked up part of it. I walked miles and miles to see you, to be with you.
I saw one friend once for lunch. I didn't get a new best friend or anything. Not even two weeks had passed. Your response was overblown. I don't doubt you were honest. You just didn't TALK to me. You seemed to prefer throwing me out for a perceived slight rather than sitting down and hashing the problem out like you CARED about having me in your life
Things were really really hard for me F―――. I have no friends. I just started the busiest semester of my life and moved out on my own out of a shitty living situation. You have no idea how much I hated livcing with nick and rhea. That was honestly the main motivating factor in my moving out. I couldn't fucking stand to be in the same place as them any longer
I was trying to be an adult for the first time and suddenly it was like I was a parent! Cook clean shop blah blah blah that's all I ever did and they never thanked me for it
J―― told me that you said he should ask me out. He already had and I declined because I was too hung up on you. I don't know what I expected--that I'd hunt you down and try to make amends like I'd done before? I was just so scared. I was a coward. I didn't think I could handle that at that time/
J――― isn't even really my friend anymore because I turned him down
No. I told J―― that because you fit well together. We do not. No longer anyways. By the time it was November just the thought of touching you repulsed me. I liked the way he treated you and was able to give you things that I just couldn't. Okay so you hated it. I know that. But you withdrew, became a shell. Overblown? Two weeks? I breathed you everyday, it was like being told to just get over it. No, you fail to understand. I did fucking HASH it out with you when I felt I could reach something that cared.
I feel really lonely all the time so fucking sue me for wanting to talk to you, the biggest person in my life for years
Listening to: A Moon Shaped Pool-Radiohead
Reading: A Dame To Kill For-Frank Miller
